Texts to Your Dead Boyfriend

13:23   Heyyy

Delete

Hey

Delete

hey

Sent

Her beautiful figure slumps over the bed, full chest pressed against the ice-cold sheets, moving in harmony with her hitching breath. Fingers tapdance across the small screen at a pace inconsistent with her heartbeat. A pound so close, so familiar, but out of reach.

13:24   I know it’s sudden and you haven’t texted in a while but I just wanted to tell you that I miss you <3

Delete <3

Sent

She moves towards the bundled sweatshirt at the foot of the bed. Vintage — perhaps even stolen? She holds the sweatshirt out in front of her, reading the letters “THE POLICE WORLD TOUR.” Quickly bringing it closer to her body, she stops halfway and, finally, succumbs, hugging the sweatshirt to her face. She inhales, traces of cologne rushing up to her nose. 

13:25   You were everything to me. I loved you. 

Sent

She tucks herself into the sweatshirt, enveloped by his embrace. Toying with a loose thread, she coils it around her fingertips until they are lines of white surrounded by fleshy red. She untwists the thread and with one quick snap, breaks its bond to the sweatshirt. 

13:26   I hope you see this in whatever higher place you are. I know you’re looking.

Sent

She stands up, toes wrinkled in a cowardly formation and moves towards the record player on the other side of the dresser.  Her fingers place the needle on the record and it starts from the last place it left off. 

Every step you take. I’ll be...

13:27   I know it’s weird to text you but I guess this is my way of sending a message to you through the universe. 

Sent

Watching you.

She runs her fingers through her blond hair, the dark roots peeking through. A few blonde strands fall out. Extracting the weeds. 

13:30   I know I shouldn’t but think about you every single day. 

Sent

A wisp of dry, frozen air smothers her body but her fingers continue to tango. The more they dance, the more frigid they get. The sweatshirt should keep her warm for now.

13:31   I say this too often but I miss you more and more. 

Sent

Every word from the tip of her tongue rolls off perfectly as the saline drops fall from her eyes. She belongs on the red carpet. 

13:32   I remember that first time I saw you in tenth grade.

Sent

You stay there, still. Unmoving in the night, awaiting a signal from beyond the grave. 

13:34   I swear I was obsessed with you, even memorized your schedule.

Sent

You played a game of chase, following me.

13:37 I belonged to you. Do you know that?

Sent

As if kissed by a stranger on her chest, she clutches her heart, wincing, aching, her body crumpling into tossed-out trash. 

13:38 I’m so sorry. 

Sent

It’s funny how those little hills can grow on her arms but her fingers still persist. How the mistakes of the person who holds your heart could leave you lingering with some unfinished business. 

13:40   I’ll always love you. Even if I wasn’t always the best girlfriend.

Sent

She makes a move, an attempt to pick herself up, but I suppress it.   

13:44   You promised you would love me forever.

Sent

You did, too. Her body is strung across the carpet but her fingers still manage to feverishly tap the screen. 

13:45   I’m sorry. 

Sent

Her fingers tremble, seizing beyond her control. 

13:47    I’m sorry, okay?

Sent

We fade into the night as Sting whispers softly.

I’ll be watching you.