It’s Easy to Cut Lobster and Steak
Author’s Note: This is a fun dialogue piece that I wrote for a screenwriting class.
FADE IN:
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
TIFFANY and JEREMY sit across from each other at a low-lit table in a restaurant. Jeremy looks down at his watch.
WAITER (O.S.)
Happy Anniversary! Wow, 17 years! Are you folks ready to order?
TIFFANY
Thank you, I’ll have the lobster please.
Waiter turns to Jeremy who is still staring at his watch.
WAITER
And you, sir?
Tiffany flicks Jeremy on the wrist. Jeremy does not look up.
JEREMY
(unbothered)
Steak, please. Medium rare.
WAITER
Okay, no problem. I’ll be back with the water.
Waiter shuffles away quickly.
TIFFANY
Could you be more rude?
(...)
You didn’t even say “thank you”.
JEREMY
And?
TIFFANY
And?
(...)
You know what, never mind.
Tiffany shifts around in her seat.
Why do you always get the steak?
JEREMY
Why does that matter? Why do you always get the lobster?
TIFFANY
Because I like lobster?
JEREMY
Because I like lobster? So what kind of question is that?
TIFFANY
Stop mocking me.
JEREMY
I’m not mocking you.
TIFFANY
Yes, you are.
JEREMY
No, I’m not.
TIFFANY
I can’t with you.
JEREMY
(mimicking her tone)
I can’t with you.
They glare at each other. Waiter comes into the screen holding a tray with water.
WAITER
(clears throat)
Okay, so I have sparkling and flat.
TIFFANY
I’ll take sparkling, please.
JEREMY
Me too.
Tiffany turns her head from the Waiter to Jeremy.
TIFFANY
Why are you copying me?
JEREMY
I just wanted sparkling water, what’s your deal?
TIFFANY
What’s my deal? What’s your deal?
Waiter comes back with water and starts to pour the sparkling water.
JEREMY
Nothing! I just wanted sparkling water!
(...)
Fine. Can I have some whiskey, please?
TIFFANY
You always do this.
(...)
You mock me and then you copy exactly what I do.
JEREMY
It’s not like you make the greatest choices.
TIFFANY
What is that supposed to mean?
JEREMY
You chose the lobster, for one.
TIFFANY
Why are you bringing the lobster back into this??
Jeremy leans back and addresses the entire restaurant.
JEREMY
(pausing between each word, shouting)
Because it is a bad choice!
Tiffany grabs Jeremy’s wrist from across the table.
TIFFANY
(hushed)
Lower your voice!
Jeremy stands up, slamming his fists against the table. His utensils and napkin fall to the floor.
JEREMY
(loudly)
Why? Am I bothering you?
Tiffany tries to drag Jeremy down but Jeremy flicks her off.
TIFFANY
You’re embarrassing me.
JEREMY
Oh, so now I’m embarrassing.
TIFFANY
Yes, so shut up.
JEREMY
You know what I’m done with this. 17 years of nothing.
Jeremy storms out.
FADE OUT
